At one point I just started playing Pokémon go instead

Fifty Shades of “Ayy drink this milk”

No fine Shyt you misheard. I didn’t ask do you lick toes, I asked “do you lick toad…”

This is honestly just how an average Tuesday feels for an autistic adult.

God I love those gay little aliens.

Believe it or not Carson still had higher ratings that night

If Hailee Steinfeld drooled into my mouth like that I would also want to spend eternity at her feet.

This is also further proof that you can never trust a man who whips out an Irish jig at the function.