jake gyllenhaal better sleep with one eye open tonight

netflix's biggest mistake was releasing this after the oscar qualifying date because it would have sweeped. i'm also very glad i didn't recommend this to my parents, because i was about to send them a text telling them to watch it and then the gorilla scene happened

a squirrel sings boulevard of broken dreams and a rooster has an existential crisis about the meaning of life, so honestly i had a good time

when chris rock says "jigsaw didn't target cops" you could hear john kramer rolling in his grave

andrew garfield, you make it so hard to love you sometimes

to all the folks on letterboxd dot com who only want to read serious reviews, this review is not for you. you have been warned.

for those who are still here, oh my god cillian muprhy is so fucking hot. sir, i am begging you for a hand in marriage. i am going feral.

me: this is so chaotic and camp, i love it. who the fuck wrote this?
end credits: "story by tom hardy"
me: yeah that makes sense

jamie dornan in a black and white movie, call it fifty shades of grey

consider this amy adams' warning that she will continue making movies like this if she doesn't get her oscar soon

cute shakespeare adaptation i guess, but its no 10 things i hate about you (1999)

the two leads, zendaya in particular, do the very best with what they've been given. unfortunately, what they've been given is a hollow and awkward screenplay written by a guy who only has a career cause his dad directed rain man.

jamie dornan should have got awards buzz for this, not belfast